You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
