you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
