I can text with my tongue
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
