after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
please don't ironically join a cult
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