now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
