we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
