I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
i think we sleep fucked last night...
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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