My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
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