First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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