And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
