hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
We left the knife in your bed.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
