Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
