but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
