***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
just tell him i said nine months
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
