Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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