first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
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Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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