dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
