According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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