Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
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