it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
