I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Randomize
