If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
