so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
