Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
then he tried to convert me to islam
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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