Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
