I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
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Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
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The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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