It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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