my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
