Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
