I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
