Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Randomize
