Well douche your snatch and let's go!
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
