I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
i drank out of a bidet.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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