take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
