tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize