i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Randomize
