How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
