He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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