it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
