How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
