Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
