I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
You left your underwear on the fireplace
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
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