In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
