Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Success! We fucked roommates!
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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