just come out here and I will go home with you...
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
there is glitter all over my balls
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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