He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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