so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
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