i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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