My room smells like vodka and shame
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
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If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
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I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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