I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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