i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
