After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
