I just pynch a tree in the face
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
