how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Randomize
