The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
