Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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