You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
