I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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