I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
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Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
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We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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