A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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