TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
