Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Drunk is not a location!
i think im in europe. pls send help
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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