If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
