I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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