Define "chronic" masturbator.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
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i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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