Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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