so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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