I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
