I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
