I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Randomize
